Upon Reflection

First off I would like to apologize for taking so long to post another addition to this blog that now appears to have readership in nine countries.

Sorry Jason but I was wrong when I told you seven. These countries are Canada, USA, France, Russia, Netherlands, Ukraine, Japan (thanks Mel), Germany and now Denmark. Please promote and pass along what you like or dislike about this blog. And I thank you very much. I value all opinions and comments whether they are positive or negative. So keep them coming Bobby, or anyone else for that matter. Spread the word.

That said, I was sitting on the patio of a local restaurant with my beautiful wife and inspiration a couple of days ago. It was a restaurant that we had wanted to visit for some time and finally we were able to do so.

I say “able” for the reason that this particular visit was for my birthday this year. For us to do this last year on my birthday falls into the unable category. This is to say that we sort of passed over my birthday as a celebration. For those who do not know, at that time I was very recently out of my Cancer treatment and not capable of enjoying an afternoon like this, or any wonderful afternoon, let alone being present and participating in much of an outdoor function at all.

If you are unaware, you need to read earlier blog posts that let you know what some of us went through. I have not asked them if I could reference them regarding this but I call us “The original six”. But I digress.

While sitting on this patio watching cars and pedestrians pass by on a beautiful sunny day, observing the beauty of the downtown architecture, being close to the waterfront, in the company of a beautiful woman, sharing great conversation, and of course drinks, I could not help but reflect on where we were a year ago and drift off momentarily, or so much that my wife asked quite frankly “where are you?’. I guess I drifted a little further than I thought.

It was a combined realization that I could not do this last year, physically, mentally or any other “lly” for that matter. I know for a fact that I would not be here to be able to write this blog if it were not for her support and love. Had It not been for her I don’t know if I could have braved the road that was before me at that time. It was hell by the way and well worth it, if for nothing else but to be able to wake up and see her face every day for the rest of my life.

I am here, I am alive, and I can taste food again finally. Also, had I not gone through the hell that I did, and many more than five of my friends did, I would not be here to enjoy the privilege of sitting and enjoying this beautiful sunny day, eating a lobster wrap, crab dip with fresh made chips and tequila shrimp with the person that means the absolute most to me.

And that feeling is good.

Slow and Slower

It is a well known fact that people become slower with age. Well known by me if not everyone else either my age or within a close proximity. This speed reduction, for some unknown reason, apparently affects just about everything you do. For some of these chosen people this even includes some things like driving. I’m still not convinced that these ones really knew how to drive in the first place or just plummeted into their snail pace quicker than the rest.

That said I must swiftly make a dash for a little disclaimer here. I’m not attempting to pick on or single out elderly people with regard to being slow. It’s just that this particular observance happens to be perpetrated by a couple of them. That’s it. You will, however, have your own personal mental image to recall while reading this. Everyone has at least one.

Now let’s get onto the part about me driving behind an elderly person in a parking lot. You can in no possible way be in a hurry in this situation. They don’t seem to notice you’re there anyway. Just be patient and they’ll find a parking spot soon enough. It may not be soon, but eventually.

Let me add a bit of a twist to this. Driving behind an elderly person looking for a parking spot in a parking lot, who is also driving behind an elderly person looking for a parking spot in a parking lot, is a rather unique situation indeed, as I found out recently. The trick is to just drop back a little and watch what happens next.

It all seems to happen in slow motion, yet somehow isn’t, as the slow moving person in front of you gets angered and frustrated at the even slower moving person in front of them. All Hell breaks loose when it appears that they both seem to want the same parking spot. A barrage of dirty looks begins to be hurled back and forth from half open car windows in a tit for tat exhibition of facial expression. The raised fists then begin shaking along with evident arm flab that appears to shake twice as much as the fist. Horns are honking as if it were downtown rush hour traffic.

The slow person in the very front actually slows down to begin their navigation into the sought after spot, which heightens the frustration of the other slow person behind them. This unleashes another taste of horn honking. I have unknowingly come to a complete halt to witness this and find it so entertaining to watch that I look around for somewhere to get snacks.

Now with the first vehicle parked crookedly in place, the irate driver in the second vehicle stops behind them for a moment only to give another fist wag, horn honk and the sternest hairy eyeball look I have ever seen from any person of any age before driving away, slowly.

That over and done with I then realize that I am now the one in the way. Having been stopped in the middle of the parking aisle to observe, I failed to even look behind to see if there were any other cars looking to get past me. Luckily there was not and sadly there was not as well. This is where it’s always funny to share a silent laugh with a total stranger who feels as entertained as I do about this ordeal.

Think Before Giving

I have heard a lot of people lately, with regard to many a varied subject, saying that they are just not going to give a fuck anymore. Or that they have no fucks left to give after a multitude of unanswered or unreturned fucks being given. Although it’s easy to say these things but that’s just not how it works. Yes, really.

I’ve done some digging into this whole giving a fuck subject and found some very interesting facts. I would not consider myself a fucking expert by any means, but I now consider myself more informed about giving a fuck and would like to share these fucking findings with you.

First off, you just can’t stop giving a fuck. It’s impossible. Fucks have to be given. Life as we know it depends on them. Ungiven fucks that are held inside a person tend to turn the things all around them to shit. The fucks themselves will remain unaffected, however. The fucks need to be out and freely given or the shit will just keep piling up resulting in everyone around you wondering what is wrong with you and eventually just realizing that you’re full of shit and become shunned. Besides, it’s called hoarding and nobody likes a fucking hoarder even if there are television shows about them.

Some people will attempt to manipulate fucks for their own benefit. This will not work either. These kinds of people will try to collect fucks only to give away a bunch all at the same time. They seem to feel that it makes them appear better than they really are. They will extract all of the good intentions and feelings contained in the fucks they give in a vain attempt to pass off these hollow fucks disguised in the spirit of giving a fuck. They tend to give these fucks away publicly for the instant recognition they seem to need to survive. These are commonly referred to as useless fucks or selfish fucks. The extracted content of a fuck that is no longer protected by its outer shell tends to become bitter over time and sours the person holding onto it.

I have heard some call these ones empty fucks, which is a term I would rather use because these empty fucks can be refilled like a gift card. You can reload them with as much positive emotion and good intentions that you can muster. There is no limit to the contents of the fuck you are giving. Just the limit to what you are willing to put into it. This basically boils down to just how much of a fuck you want to give.

Moving along, and contrary to popular belief, you can never run out of fucks to give. You don’t have a personal supply that will be depleted down to zero if you just go around all wily nily giving fucks for every little thing that happens to be popular that week. This is never more evident than when something so stupid makes it onto the news in the evening that you just shake your head at. This is further proof that the more people that are giving a fuck for something will make things happen. We just need to stop giving a fuck over stupid shit like cow farts.

Yes it was really a thing once. For what would seem to be a joke, some clown suggested that the methane gas content of cow farts was affecting the ozone and contributing to global warming. Enough people blindly gave a fuck and all of a sudden government officials who claim to be smarter than you or I, and profess to know what is best for us all, thought that taxpayer dollars were needed to create a multi-million dollar study to that effect. Results were inconclusive. Duh!

Fucks are traded freely. That’s the best part about fucks. Everyone is free to give a fuck wherever and whenever they feel the need. We all just need to put more thought into the fucks we are giving away and realize how truly important to life on this planet they are.

Nobody seems to know where these fucks come from or how they were first created. I halted my pursuit when it came to digging further into this part. I chose to not give a fuck about that. I will forever remain satisfied in knowing that they exist and will endeavor to give my fucks the respect they deserve.

Of Course It’s Cold

You can usually tell that it’s cold outside by just looking out a window. You can see if there are high winds, blowing snow or plumes wafting up from chimneys of neighbouring houses. You learn to dress appropriately from either being under dressed in this kind of weather once before, or from a good cuff to the back of the head by your mother more than a couple of times in your life.

People will always complain about the weather no matter how nice of a day it is outside. It’s too cold, too hot, I wish this rain would stop, too humid, how long can it keep snowing, too windy, and my all-time favourite, it’s a dry heat, just to name a few.

You would think with all of this attention to weather on a daily basis by, well, everybody you would think that we are all experts on the subject and would never be caught off guard again. And yet some people are still surprised as they walk out the door. This is Canada people. We get winter every year and yes it gets cold.

When you see a person dressed for the winter conditions, walking across a parking lot shivering because of below freezing temperatures, high winds, blowing snow and a wind chill factor that lowers the temperature by another ten to fifteen degrees you would normally sympathize.

When a person is walking across a parking lot shivering because of below freezing temperatures, high winds, blowing snow and a wind chill factor that lowers the temperature by another ten to fifteen degrees but doing this while wearing sandals, thin yoga pants, a sweater that is too small for them and unbuttoned while eating an ice cream cone, I really want to smack them upside the head or at the very least say something. But I don’t. Let’s face it, its cold outside but warm right here in my truck. They probably wouldn’t understand why, without a very long explanation using small words anyway.

Being with my wife at the time, we both look at each other in disbelief and say “Did you see that idiot?” and laugh trying not to stare.

What’s The Statement Exactly?

            I have never been one to follow the latest fashion trends, or any fashion trends to be quite honest. Let alone jump on the bandwagon of any single one and run with it as if it was my idea in the first place. Mostly because I feel that the majority of the latest fashions trends make no sense. Who are they really kidding with some of this crap? Like a bird nest in your hat? All the rage in Paris you say? I’ll take two!

The majority of the outfits and accompanying accessories are not the kind of things you would want to wear while out for a leisurely stroll about town without being pointed and giggled at. And not just the behind your back kind of giggles either. Not quite in your face but, you will however witness it first hand right in front of you. Even the models that are showcasing these so called works of “art” would not be caught dead out in public wearing any of this shite.

Yet I must admit I that there is a ton of work, creativity and talent put into these bazaar creations that nobody will ever wear. You have to admire that at least, regardless of just what kind of “statement” they are attempting to make.

The ever growing fashion trend these days that I would like to talk about here has nothing to do with creativity, imagination, any kind art form nor would you ever see it on a fashion runway unless it was featured in a Rodney Dangerfield movie. It mostly has to do with the complete opposite of all of those things. It requires no creativity, no hard work, no talent, nor imagination so anyone can participate. And believe me the number of participants is growing fast. A sad reflection on society indeed.

I have to let you know that this writing is going to invoke one of two reactions from most of the readers here. Either “Holy crap, you’re kidding?” or “Holy crap, I know right?” It may even be a “Holy crap, I hadn't noticed until you mentioned it”.  Yes I know that’s three holy craps, I just wanted to see if you were still paying attention.

Another notable point is the one that I left out on purpose. The reply that you don’t want to make in public which is the “What’s wrong with that? I do it all of the time”, kind of response. Because I truly and honestly, hope and pray, that none of you does this, or wear anything that resemble this, or even within a close proximity whatsoever. I'm just trying to look out for you here my friend. That’s my explanation and I'm sticking to it.

Since when did pajamas and track pants become an acceptable replacement, for lack of a better term, clothing. I mean the kind of clothes that are suitable to wear in public, like anything that doesn't look like you slept in it. Clothing that showed that you had a degree of pride in yourself to take the minimal amount of time that it took to let other people know that you cared about your appearance and felt good about doing so. You didn’t take the lazy way out and called it a fashion statement even if you are wearing brand new pajamas or track suit.

  Pajama pants and a parka do not constitute dressing for the weather. Just how lazy do you have to be to not want to, at the very least, shower and put on some clothes that don’t look like you just crawled out of bed, picked them up off of the floor from a crumpled ball and decided to go out in public. Do you wear the same thing for days in a row? Or do you just pick them up off of the floor on a daily basis and re-wear them when you wake up?

This is not limited to just young people. At least in this town it isn't. I would love to hear from you whether this is a growing epidemic where you live. I saw what appeared to be a seventy–ish woman wearing a pair of white pajama pants with pink and blue polka dots with slippers at the grocery store the other day. And that is only one incident. These sightings are not rare. I wish they were. Has our society become so lazy and uncaring that we are all about not even trying any more, regardless of how we smell? Very sad indeed.

I saw a man yesterday walking up the side walk that I could only describe as a track suit ninja and here’s why. I will try to give you the best possible description because I was unable to take a picture. I was driving at the time and just could not pull it off.

I'm not singling him out because this is the most unusual, noooo. This is commonplace. It just was one of those things that you can’t look away from. Kind of like a car wreck. I'm surprised that I haven’t been in a ton of accidents because I was visually locked to an anomaly like this.

Picture the sweat pants and matching sweater in the typical track suit grey. We all know the track suit grey colour. It’s the basic colour option that we have available before all of other colour options on the rack. That being said I think I’ll start at the top and work my way down for no reason in particular.

The head covering was a balaclava with the limited faced opening stretched to its maximum in order to fit under the chin and proudly display an impressive beard. The all too familiar pair of white framed shades was covering the eyes. I always thought that the white framed glasses looked like older style 3D glasses with the red and blue lenses or that they were the only pair that your sister had at the time and she let you borrow them. As I said, the sweater matches the pants so not much here.

Moving down this ensemble is a black leather fanny pack strategically positioned right up front for convenience. The snowmobile mittens, full gauntlet style I might add, covered the exposed digits. Old style ski doo boots covered the feet. Remember the boots that had the huge rubber bottoms and the canvas uppers with the felt inserts? Yeah them. And I was saving the best for last.

Let me scroll back up just a little to give you a touch more of the visual. The fanny pack was not only used as a fanny pack. It was also ingeniously used as a belt because the sweater was tucked into the sweat pants. The sleeves of the sweat shirt were pushed up to the above biceps level for further coolness. How cool is that in below freezing temperatures baby.

Why have we degenerated so rapidly into this sort of self disrespect? And why has it become so acceptable so quickly.

To Dog or Not To Dog

I wasn’t going to write about this topic but it has become an ongoing intolerance to me and shows no sign of diminishing in its annoyance any time soon. I really was hoping that it was a seasonal thing being winter and colder and all that sort of bullshit that people use as excuses to become too lazy to do what they are supposed to. But it seems not.

I would like to even say that I myself could justify these actions, or rather inactions, if I really twisted my reality in that favour. I mean really twisted it. Inaction is the more accurate word. I just don’t get it. Please explain it too me. Don’t try to only justify it to me by any means, because that’s not what I’m looking for. Explain it, with an intelligent and rational reason with accompanying argument, because I don’t think there is one.

The main reason that I didn’t want to write about this was the fact that lately we have gotten a new addition to the family. That’s right, you guessed it, we got ourselves a dog. You thought I was going to say something else right? Like a new car or big screen TV or something like that? Wrong. It’s a dog.

That in itself is exciting enough and I will get to the how and why in an other edition of this series. Yes, I’m calling it a series so what?

Just to let you know that I have had dogs before. A many number of them over my years, of assorted shapes and sizes. Not a noob here.

Anyway, so we got this dog right, and he’s a real piece of work. By that I mean he’s extremely smart, and is rather a fast learner. A faster learner than I could be. And I’m pretty quick let me tell ya. Wait a minute, maybe I shouldn’t say it like that. Let’s just say that he’s a really smart dog K? “Uber” is a good term here.

Getting back to my point in all of this I feel I need to let you know that he loves to run. He loves the trail and going to the off-leash dog park. So much so that he will never actually stop running on his own judgment. Whether it’s with another dog, chasing after a ball, playing keep away with a stick, or just being a dog and sniffing the butt of the newest dog to enter the park. No matter how tired he truly is, he seems to feel a need to keep going, just in case he misses something. Or so it seems. Just to let you know, a tired dog sleeps rather soundly. It’s awesome.

Here’s the point to all of this. I pick up after my dog, plain a simple. And my dog poops a lot. Oh my god he poops a lot. So much that I actually Googled “my dog poops a lot” to find the norm. But that’s not the point.

Call it stoop and scoop, bag it and tag it, shit in the mitt, or whatever. Pick it up people. How can people that return to the same dog park or walk the same trail on a regular basis, if not daily, feel that they are above picking up after their pet. I am overwhelmed at just how much dog poo is actually right in the middle of the path. I mean right in the center where you are walking. At the very least, remove it from the walking path in consideration of people that are walking there.

To those of you that leave your dog’s crap in the middle of the pathway and still do not understand because you are an idiot, this means remove it from the place where humans will be stepping, you moron. I bet you don’t like walking in dog poo yourselves. I would hate to see what your house looks like if you are that lazy you can’t pick up after your dog

If you take offence to this then you are truly the moron. Feel free to add your comments if you can find the right place to do so, moron. Hint: It’s at the bottom of this post somewhere.

That effort seems to be beyond most people. The actual part of pulling out a plastic bag and picking up the droppings eludes them for some reason. Yet inflicting it on others seems to be ok as long as no one is looking apparently. If you don’t know how, I’m sure that there is a YouTube video to show you how to do it that may also include saving money on non pet store poop bags and crap. See what I just did there?

All of this leads to the fact that there is no justifiable reason for there being so much dog poop all over the place. If you don’t want to clean up after a dog, then don’t have one. Plain and simple moron.

Take That Back

While I was in and out of stores over the last week doing the usual needed gathering of supplies I stumbled across an item that I don’t need in any way whatsoever. Yet it seemed to call to me. Setting aside all reason I buy it and bring it home as my latest “coolest thing ever” addition to all the other coolest things ever collection I have acquired.

I take it home and open up the packaging, set it up, insert batteries, use it for a little while. And it performs as expected, better even. I am completely thrilled and demonstratively proud of my amazing new find. I may even have done my own little happy dance. My happy dance varies depending on the situation and is never the same twice. It’s just happy and that’s all that really matters.

So now it’s been a couple of days since this purchase and I am at a different store looking for something I had totally forgotten to pick up on the previous outing, when all of a sudden, I see it with my own eyes. The exact same thing I was so excited about, only $40 cheaper that what I had paid. Like a slap in the face I exclaim aloud to nobody in particular “WTF” while standing in the aisle pointing. I may have even looked around for imaginary support but came up with none. Only puzzled stares from fellow shoppers that seemed to question my sanity.

Product return scenarios race through my brain on how I can bring back the one I have. Do they even price match? If not should I pretend it’s broken? Yes I have all of the original packaging so they better take it back or I’ll never shop there again, but I know I will anyway because they always have cool stuff. And what happens if I’m stuck with it? I know if I am, I won’t treat it with the same coolness after finding out that a cheaper one could have been had. I will end up lying to people about how much I paid for it. You would too.

Now I return home breaking all speed limits, wipe down the item, carefully box it back up being careful not to blemish any of the outer cardboard, and then inspect the job. Convinced that they should take it back without incident I return to my point of purchase and march myself straight to the returns counter. 

The first question I ask is the obvious “What is your price match guaranty?” only to be answered with the surprise answer “Very sorry sir, we don’t have one”.

Feeling a little deflated I happen to look on the wall behind the counter and see their satisfaction guarantee and return policy posted on the wall which boldly states for all to read clearly and without further question “We’re not satisfied until you’re satisfied”. Holy crap this applies. I’m not satisfied. I found it cheaper somewhere else. This falls under their policy.

“I would like to return this because I found it cheaper someplace else”.

My return is then handled with such unexpected courtesy and accommodation that I just stand there and observe the transaction until the store employee asks me where the cheaper one is because they think that it the coolest thing ever as well and were thinking of buying one.

So it’s not just me.