New Tools

Buying new tools is a thrilling experience for most men. The excitement builds before I even leave the house. Buying new tools on sale is almost orgasmic. This is the best thing ever. And yes ladies, it happens to us with every tool purchase. One piece of very important advice is to always check out the latest store flyers. I refer you to a previous blog entry regarding finding something on sale after the fact. Not fun.

The thrill of walking through the tool section of my favourite hardware type of store brings an inner feeling that can only be described as a warm glow. Yes really. Walking up and down the various aisles of hand tools, power tools, tool boxes, accessories and the ever popular “clearance” section is an excitement all in itself. I just like to see if there is anything new, different or even an in store special not listed in the flyer. Those are the best finds.

I don’t go directly to the item that I came here for, oh no. I take my time making my way around, while savouring the entire atmosphere of this section of the store. It even smells different over here. I almost always find something else that I didn’t know that I needed until I saw it. It’s mood dependant really. I can’t seem to leave the store with only what I came for. There is a support group for this type of behaviour. Usually a small group of similarly affected individuals gather together on weekends at a well publicized location where they discuss such tools and build, assemble, repair and create stuff with them. There may also be beer involved. Or so I’ve heard.

While driving home with my purchase safely beside me I repeatedly glance at the box and envision the multitude of things I can accomplish with this newly found equipment, when it hits me. That table we acquired the other day needs to be assembled properly. Let’s call that job number one.

Arriving home I take my new cordless necessities from the packaging and begin the narration to my wife about all of its advanced features and how this is going to make ease of all the little jobs, not just around the house but everywhere. She tends to roll her eyes when I drift into tool speak.

Now pumped full of ambition I spy the table, clear the needed space around it, gather the bolts, load the appropriate bits into the driver, assemble the pieces loosely and begin the power tool assembly. This part takes little more than about twenty seconds to complete. Now we stand back and admire the job well done. I do anyway.

The tool rush now slowly drains from me because I now realize that my new tool playtime has ended way too soon. I just stand there pulling the trigger repeatedly while looking around the room.

What else can I fix?

Alarming

The fire alarms in apartment buildings seem to go off more often than anywhere else in the entire world. At least it is where I live. Whether it’s the testing of the system (which happens monthly), glitches in the system, power surges and outages or just plain old drunken idiots pulling the alarm at 3 a.m. because they think it’s funny. This alarm usually happens late in the evening or early morning on a weekday and not the weekend. Which would be more expected as this is when these chuckleheads imbibe mass quantities and tend to inconvenience people.

Just in case any of these drunken idiots are capable of reading anything beyond text message spelling, it’s really not funny, k? U r not being smrt. All been dun b4.

The even more interesting thing about this is how the people that live in the building react when it happens so often. By often I mean at least every couple of weeks as well as the monthly test of the system. You can quickly see who is new to the building by how they promptly and orderly they evacuate the premises during one of these events.

Tenants gather around outside and inspect the area for evidence from the safe distance of the curb. This imaginary safe distance is just at the end of the entrance walkway on the sidewalk in front of the building. This apparent flame free zone is a full twenty feet away from the building. Ain’t no way the sparks will fly that far right? We’re good here, we can see perfect.

The speculation begins when someone is overheard saying that they had smelled smoke in the hallway on their way out of the building. Certainly couldn’t have been the cigarette in your hand as you parade though a no smoking area. What the hell does it matter now right? The building might be on fire so what’s one cigarette now anyway. Who cares, gawd.

Another tenant can be heard on their cell phone to friends, apparently still inside their apartment, attempting to convince them that there really is a fire this time. “I swear it’s, like, real this time. Like, really. We’re all, like, out here waiting for you guys”.

Excitement builds as the fire trucks arrive with howling sirens and lights flaring. Now we get to see some action. It must be real this time, the trucks showed up and everything. Seeing them enter the building with no apparent urgency brings you back to reality and a slight disappointment wafts over the crowd. This disappointment is short lived and becomes frustration when everyone realizes that we are all wide awake in the middle of the night for no good reason. We didn’t even get to see a fire either. What a jip.

The firemen gather at the alarm panel in the lobby and seem to discuss strategy. At this point you would think that they would at least turn the alarm off if for nothing else but to hear each other or anything broadcasted over their radios.

Right when you start to wonder why they’re not doing anything, a couple of them are off to do a quick walk through the building. They must have drawn the short straws while in the huddle. Within a few minutes they all gather around the alarm panel again and finally reset the system. The buzzing of the alarm comes to a halt leaving a ringing in your ears.

The all clear is now given and we all head back into the building listening to the various comments of the ever vocal. “I really did smell smoke you know”.

Of course you did. Don’t forget to put out your cigarette.

More Flies with Honey

Looking through some old emails from some months ago I came across one that had been completely forgotten about. I read through it thoroughly and had to chuckle as it reminded me of the situation as to why it was written in the first place.

          It was about a year ago, and not too long after finishing my last rounds of treatment at the Cancer center when my taste buds first began showing minimal signs of functioning again so I decided to attempt a morning cup of coffee. The first one in a considerable amount of time I might add, and rather anticipated. This is when our coffee machine took a turn for the worse and I took it upon myself to craft a well worded letter to the manufacturer asking for their assistance. Without the usual finger wagging.

          Fielding customer complaints for a living must be one of the most thankless jobs on the planet. Having a constant barrage of blame and rage expelled upon you both hourly and day after day must take a toll on a person’s perception of the general public. I can only assume that it takes a rather strong person to not allow that amount of negativity into their own personal space.

          With that in mind I generated my letter with a touch of levity as to, at the very least, not be one of those irate dissatisfied customers, but also give them a break from it all and possibly make them smile a little.

          Here is the email as I sent it. Ok so I changed the name of the town for this blog entry. Sue me.

Keurig B70 Brewing System with a bad attitude

Dear Sir or Madam,

A little more than a year ago I purchased a Keurig® B70 Platinum Brewing System from Costco here in Happyville, Canada. The price seems to have dropped considerably from what I had paid at the time which was around $159.00 if I remember correctly. But that in itself is not the main issue of my concern but troubling all the same.

We had enjoyed using your coffee machine for the many conveniences and reasons we had purchased it in the first place. Unfortunately that was short lived.

Not long after, I was diagnosed with cancer in my neck and throat. I will not go into great detail regarding this but needless to say that the machine went unused for some time due to my inability to swallow properly as well as other throat sensitivities. 

About a month ago we decided to turn on the coffee machine and brew what was to be my first cup of morning goodness in about 7 months.

Well, the machine performed perfectly as expected for the first week and then began a rapid nose dive into an unstoppable spiral of demise. I must state that we would brew anywhere from 2 to 6 cups of coffee per day.

Over the course of that week it would brew slower each time to the point of taking longer than 3 minutes to complete a cycle. By the end of the week the "Descale" display was suddenly present. Following the "Keurig Brewer De-scaling Instructions" directions from your website, the machine was, or so we thought, systematically descaled to the satisfaction of all concerned. This proved to be untrue.

The machine in question began to perform worse than previous. It would only brew half of a cup and take a considerable amount of time doing so. I should also mention that the brewing cycle was considerably louder than before as if the machine was begrudgingly doing the task at hand. We then repeated the descale process as suggested in the instructions to no avail. 

Presently our machine is no longer cooperating and refuses to dispense anything resembling a drinkable cup of coffee.

Returning it to Costco appears to be out of the question as we no longer have the original packaging and the receipt seems to have been misplaced. Probably was in the box we no longer have.

Is there anything you may be able to help with in this situation?

Thank you in advance,

          By the afternoon on that very same day I received a phone call from a customer serviced agent with regards to this email. She actually said she “was calling to discuss the coffee machine with a bad attitude”.

I was informed that she and a few of her coworkers got a bit of a chuckle from my submission and had to respond to it right away. I thanked her and also expressed my delight and surprise for replying so swiftly. It’s rather unusual to get such a quick response over a negative situation.

          This now led to images of my email being forwarded around as giggles are heard intermittently from various cubicles within the office space. Insert your own visual here.

          After a short comment and introduction session she handled my issue with the courtesy, respect and professionalism that anyone would welcome. Within a matter of minutes she not only had addressed the issue but also in a knowledgeable fashion explained possible causes and future solutions to these and similar issues. She then went beyond that and offered a replacement machine in exchange for the faulty one, postage prepaid no less.

To make a long story short, the replacement arrived in less than a week to our delight and surprise.

          I have to say that I was truly taken aback from the friendly and prompt service that I experienced through this. It makes me wonder if this transaction would have been handled any differently if I had written an irate complaint letter instead. I like to think it would have. You do catch more flies with honey.

Regardless, my hat is tipped to the Keurig customer service team for exemplary service. A job very well done people. Thank you.

           

Upon Reflection

First off I would like to apologize for taking so long to post another addition to this blog that now appears to have readership in nine countries.

Sorry Jason but I was wrong when I told you seven. These countries are Canada, USA, France, Russia, Netherlands, Ukraine, Japan (thanks Mel), Germany and now Denmark. Please promote and pass along what you like or dislike about this blog. And I thank you very much. I value all opinions and comments whether they are positive or negative. So keep them coming Bobby, or anyone else for that matter. Spread the word.

That said, I was sitting on the patio of a local restaurant with my beautiful wife and inspiration a couple of days ago. It was a restaurant that we had wanted to visit for some time and finally we were able to do so.

I say “able” for the reason that this particular visit was for my birthday this year. For us to do this last year on my birthday falls into the unable category. This is to say that we sort of passed over my birthday as a celebration. For those who do not know, at that time I was very recently out of my Cancer treatment and not capable of enjoying an afternoon like this, or any wonderful afternoon, let alone being present and participating in much of an outdoor function at all.

If you are unaware, you need to read earlier blog posts that let you know what some of us went through. I have not asked them if I could reference them regarding this but I call us “The original six”. But I digress.

While sitting on this patio watching cars and pedestrians pass by on a beautiful sunny day, observing the beauty of the downtown architecture, being close to the waterfront, in the company of a beautiful woman, sharing great conversation, and of course drinks, I could not help but reflect on where we were a year ago and drift off momentarily, or so much that my wife asked quite frankly “where are you?’. I guess I drifted a little further than I thought.

It was a combined realization that I could not do this last year, physically, mentally or any other “lly” for that matter. I know for a fact that I would not be here to be able to write this blog if it were not for her support and love. Had It not been for her I don’t know if I could have braved the road that was before me at that time. It was hell by the way and well worth it, if for nothing else but to be able to wake up and see her face every day for the rest of my life.

I am here, I am alive, and I can taste food again finally. Also, had I not gone through the hell that I did, and many more than five of my friends did, I would not be here to enjoy the privilege of sitting and enjoying this beautiful sunny day, eating a lobster wrap, crab dip with fresh made chips and tequila shrimp with the person that means the absolute most to me.

And that feeling is good.