Slow and Slower

It is a well known fact that people become slower with age. Well known by me if not everyone else either my age or within a close proximity. This speed reduction, for some unknown reason, apparently affects just about everything you do. For some of these chosen people this even includes some things like driving. I’m still not convinced that these ones really knew how to drive in the first place or just plummeted into their snail pace quicker than the rest.

That said I must swiftly make a dash for a little disclaimer here. I’m not attempting to pick on or single out elderly people with regard to being slow. It’s just that this particular observance happens to be perpetrated by a couple of them. That’s it. You will, however, have your own personal mental image to recall while reading this. Everyone has at least one.

Now let’s get onto the part about me driving behind an elderly person in a parking lot. You can in no possible way be in a hurry in this situation. They don’t seem to notice you’re there anyway. Just be patient and they’ll find a parking spot soon enough. It may not be soon, but eventually.

Let me add a bit of a twist to this. Driving behind an elderly person looking for a parking spot in a parking lot, who is also driving behind an elderly person looking for a parking spot in a parking lot, is a rather unique situation indeed, as I found out recently. The trick is to just drop back a little and watch what happens next.

It all seems to happen in slow motion, yet somehow isn’t, as the slow moving person in front of you gets angered and frustrated at the even slower moving person in front of them. All Hell breaks loose when it appears that they both seem to want the same parking spot. A barrage of dirty looks begins to be hurled back and forth from half open car windows in a tit for tat exhibition of facial expression. The raised fists then begin shaking along with evident arm flab that appears to shake twice as much as the fist. Horns are honking as if it were downtown rush hour traffic.

The slow person in the very front actually slows down to begin their navigation into the sought after spot, which heightens the frustration of the other slow person behind them. This unleashes another taste of horn honking. I have unknowingly come to a complete halt to witness this and find it so entertaining to watch that I look around for somewhere to get snacks.

Now with the first vehicle parked crookedly in place, the irate driver in the second vehicle stops behind them for a moment only to give another fist wag, horn honk and the sternest hairy eyeball look I have ever seen from any person of any age before driving away, slowly.

That over and done with I then realize that I am now the one in the way. Having been stopped in the middle of the parking aisle to observe, I failed to even look behind to see if there were any other cars looking to get past me. Luckily there was not and sadly there was not as well. This is where it’s always funny to share a silent laugh with a total stranger who feels as entertained as I do about this ordeal.

Think Before Giving

I have heard a lot of people lately, with regard to many a varied subject, saying that they are just not going to give a fuck anymore. Or that they have no fucks left to give after a multitude of unanswered or unreturned fucks being given. Although it’s easy to say these things but that’s just not how it works. Yes, really.

I’ve done some digging into this whole giving a fuck subject and found some very interesting facts. I would not consider myself a fucking expert by any means, but I now consider myself more informed about giving a fuck and would like to share these fucking findings with you.

First off, you just can’t stop giving a fuck. It’s impossible. Fucks have to be given. Life as we know it depends on them. Ungiven fucks that are held inside a person tend to turn the things all around them to shit. The fucks themselves will remain unaffected, however. The fucks need to be out and freely given or the shit will just keep piling up resulting in everyone around you wondering what is wrong with you and eventually just realizing that you’re full of shit and become shunned. Besides, it’s called hoarding and nobody likes a fucking hoarder even if there are television shows about them.

Some people will attempt to manipulate fucks for their own benefit. This will not work either. These kinds of people will try to collect fucks only to give away a bunch all at the same time. They seem to feel that it makes them appear better than they really are. They will extract all of the good intentions and feelings contained in the fucks they give in a vain attempt to pass off these hollow fucks disguised in the spirit of giving a fuck. They tend to give these fucks away publicly for the instant recognition they seem to need to survive. These are commonly referred to as useless fucks or selfish fucks. The extracted content of a fuck that is no longer protected by its outer shell tends to become bitter over time and sours the person holding onto it.

I have heard some call these ones empty fucks, which is a term I would rather use because these empty fucks can be refilled like a gift card. You can reload them with as much positive emotion and good intentions that you can muster. There is no limit to the contents of the fuck you are giving. Just the limit to what you are willing to put into it. This basically boils down to just how much of a fuck you want to give.

Moving along, and contrary to popular belief, you can never run out of fucks to give. You don’t have a personal supply that will be depleted down to zero if you just go around all wily nily giving fucks for every little thing that happens to be popular that week. This is never more evident than when something so stupid makes it onto the news in the evening that you just shake your head at. This is further proof that the more people that are giving a fuck for something will make things happen. We just need to stop giving a fuck over stupid shit like cow farts.

Yes it was really a thing once. For what would seem to be a joke, some clown suggested that the methane gas content of cow farts was affecting the ozone and contributing to global warming. Enough people blindly gave a fuck and all of a sudden government officials who claim to be smarter than you or I, and profess to know what is best for us all, thought that taxpayer dollars were needed to create a multi-million dollar study to that effect. Results were inconclusive. Duh!

Fucks are traded freely. That’s the best part about fucks. Everyone is free to give a fuck wherever and whenever they feel the need. We all just need to put more thought into the fucks we are giving away and realize how truly important to life on this planet they are.

Nobody seems to know where these fucks come from or how they were first created. I halted my pursuit when it came to digging further into this part. I chose to not give a fuck about that. I will forever remain satisfied in knowing that they exist and will endeavor to give my fucks the respect they deserve.