What’s Up Lately

          Wow, how time flies. Things have been crazy to say the least. Let me try and give you the “Coles Notes” version of it all. Where to start seems to be the biggest issue for sure. There’s so much to tell that I’m having a problem with what to put first. I’m at a loss for words…go figure. Who’da thunk it?

          Let’s go backwards, starting with two events that happened at the same time. No kidding. Both at the same time. Geesh. How do you prepare for that? Whether I should buy a lottery ticket or not is still sequestered with the jury, and awaiting a final verdict on that one. I just wish they’d hurry the hell up.

          I feel that I must apologize if you are reading this slower than normal, but I’m writing slower than I usually do for a couple of reasons. I’m celebrating national wine day, and I’m also celebrating my new radio show having its premiere episode broadcast worldwide on the interweb. I have to tell you, if you missed it, then you missed something special. You can, however, stream it live every Saturday night at my time (Kingston, ON) 7 – 10 pm. The Saturday Night Barn Burner 92.1 FM Amherst Island Radio. Tune in if you can. I program my own show and guarantee that you will hear something that you’ve never heard before.

          As for the second item, my new job, I can honestly say that I have no opinion on the matter. It’s one of those “time will tell” kind of situations. Basically, it boils down to whether I was lied to when I was hired or not…Jury? Yeah…I got nothing yet.

          Just to clarify, it’s not the work. I can handle the workload. I expressed parameters of my work day that I could not conform to. Nothing ridiculously stupid, but I do have commitments. Made my deal breakers very clear, and so did they. I was verbally guaranteed that these were never going to be an issue. I had reiterated these deal breakers before them hiring me. My situation has not changed, let’s make this clear. The work dynamic has changed. This will affect things to say the least. Time will tell for sure. Let’s see who’s deal breaker comes first.

          Oh My God. I have my own radio show now. This is the epitome of fun, I swear. I’m on the air every Saturday night from 7 to 10 pm Eastern time on CJAI 92.1 FM. Yes you can stream it live. Just in case you miss it, my show is replayed that same night at 11 pm my time. Super stoked about this whole thing.

          My premier episode was last night (Feb 17/18) and I have to say that I had a blast. If you missed it, you can tune in to the next one. I do this weekly, definitely not weakly, on Saturday nights.

          If you have a band, are in a band, or are a solo artist that has a studio quality CD, please send it to me. I guarantee two things.

1 – I will listen to it

2 – I will do my best to pick at least 1 song to play on air.

          Please include a contact email so I can respond

The Saturday Night Barn Burner 92.1 FM

Amherst Island Radio

Enjoy.

Are You Attractive?

          It’s that time of year again where everyone you know lies to each other about how they promise to change all of the stupid shit in their lives. That’s right, I’m talking about the annual resolution portion of the program. The entire premise of the situation is rather sound, however, the follow through on the other hand, could use a little bit more commitment on everyone’s part. Mine included. That’s why I’m not going to call it that this year. A resolution it won’t be.

          The phrase “New Year’s Resolution” has become such a social joke these last number of years that it’s my belief that we need to take a step back and revisit just what the entire idea and intent is all about. Here’s my take on it all. Call me wrong, disagree, reply, applaud, even give the finger, but it’s the way I see it. Yes, that was intended. Didn’t think I needed the capital letters or quotation marks. You’re all pretty smart, and this is an easy read for you. Back to me.

Remember that this, at one time was a big deal. A resolution was as strong as a hand shake, giving your word, or a promise to a friend. These things meant something. A verbal bond to others that you truly intended to do exactly what you said. It was a vow to make yourself a better person. If it was a resolution to quit smoking, then guess what? You quit smoking. Plain and simple or you were left to suffer the public humiliation from your friends as they would ask you “how’s that quitting smoking thing going?”, while you were out having a smoke. They would laugh out loud, at you. Your trust level also dropped significantly as it revealed you as untrustworthy. These things meant something, and to some of us still do.

These days it’s been diminished to taking a look back at yourself, finding things you would change, promising to do just that, making a list of these proposed changes, then systematically eliminating them one by one as the year moves on. They either become unimportant (doesn’t matter anyway), reliant (I enjoy it too much), difficult to do, rendered stupid by friends, or become a conversational joke (“so how’s that quitting smoking thing going?”), as it was expected of you to not do them anyway. A personal proclamation for change has been rendered a social joke. Never to be taken seriously again. A sad state of affairs indeed. Unless there’s an App for that I guess.

I feel that I should ask right here if anyone is offended. Anyone? Anybody need a tissue, hug, or safe space? I can find you a cardboard box to crawl in and cry until it all goes away if you like. No? Well, fasten your chinstraps because there’s a bunch more a-comin down them rails and I aim to misbehave.

I’ve decided to look at this whole fiasco from an entirely different perspective. And I do mean different. Or fiasco. Either one works in this case. Forget the whole resolution and commercialization business, and flush it to where it now belongs.

I’m going to drift off here, but promise to bring it all back, I promise. Be patient please. This one is longer that it was in my head. Go figure.

I will go out on a limb here and state that I feel an attractive person is not based on looks. Period. Yes, there are good looking, pretty, handsome, cute people everywhere. But that’s the stereotypical television version of what attractive is. We’ve all been brainwashed over the years to think that a few talentless sisters with a Dad, who now has tits, are role models for young people all over the world. No, you really don’t want to be just like them. Give your head a shake and back up the truck right here. This image is incredibly wrong and damaging to an impressionable mind. Being an attractive person has nothing to do with how pretty you are. Or how many “likes” you have.

Let me explain one thing here. I’m writing this in my perspective as a man. Yet the points I am trying to make all work for both sexes, but I will attempt to include some of that as I go on. Please, bear with me.  

As far as I’m concerned, what makes a person attractive consist of, but is not limited to, the following things that I will suggest. I’ve probably forgotten a bunch so ease up, yet feel free to let me know what I’ve left unsaid. You will notice my progression here. Go with it. I do encourage the comments.

An open mind is a complete turn on. The ability to intently listen to a vast array of opinions from a variety of sources, legitimate or not, is not something easily learned. I truly think that it goes as deep as the genetic level. To not just listen, but understand the perspectives of others, at the same time realizing that they aren’t trying to convert you, they just see it different, and yet aren’t swayed. Attractive.

A genuine smile is a dead giveaway that you are an attractive person. Not only when it’s something overwhelming, but the little things too. Just something good. With so much false friendship, fake surprise, for whatever reason, it’s nice to see a real sign of delight on someone’s face. This is defined not only by the actual smile on their face, but also by the sparkle in their eye that lights up their entire persona. Their entire being becomes elated and radiates that very feeling upon you. We’ve all seen it before. I need not explain further. Amazing.

How you treat others is a big one. How you think and feel about people can be a total negative or a positive in your attractiveness index. Yup, it’s become an index now. Evolution at its best. Treat the Janitor the same as the Prime Minister. They are both people deserving of your attention. Not one more than the other. They are both equal. The amount of money you have or your position in life should not dictate the level of respect you receive. You are a person and they are as well. If you can ingrain this in your heart, then, guess what? You just made the list.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste, yet too many people choose to do so. You need not be a Rhodes Scholar, but having a resemblance of a brain in your head is most definitely a plus. Thinking for yourself is a clear indicator. Actually having an independent thought is encouraged around these here parts. Having an opinion that isn’t either given to you by others, or something you just read on Crackbook, is not only encouraged, but a prerequisite for qualification. If you have ever said “these buffalo wings taste like chicken”, then you are in need of an upgrade.

Respect for property that does not belong to you is a definite thumbs up in my book. Treat it like it belongs to you is something more people need to adopt. If you borrow something, return it in the same shape or in better shape than when you got it. Make sure it’s clean for shit sake. It’s become too easy to break things then just say sorry without any intent of compensation. You break it, replace it. Plain and simple. Don’t just say you will then hope that they forget you said that. Keeping your word is a big heart opener. Also an important factor in keeping friends with…well…anyone with a mind of their own.

So in closing I must say these few words. Resolution schmesolution.

Do you feel that you are an attractive person?

Can you become more attractive? Would you want to?

Do you think that doing so, may silently encourage others to want to (be more like you) as well?

Happy Fricken New Year.

Not My Issue

          So much has happened in a short period of time that I’ve been too caught up in the happenings to realize that I need to stop and look around every once in a while. Well, I’m doing that now and I have to say that you all look as fabulous as ever, if not better. Except for that one guy in the very back. Dude, really?

          I’ve been concentrating on writing other things this past while. Nope, not telling. At least not yet anyway. My hope is to have it turn out, at the very least, half as good as it sounds in my head. Let’s just see how it plays out first. I certainly don’t want to get your hopes up just to yank the rug out from under you. I may just fall flat on my face. Either way, there will be a big laugh or two.

          Speaking of self-deprecation, not that I was anyway, a funny thing happened the other day. I was talking with a close friend, in public, the other day and the conversation strayed just a wee bit as it tends to with us. Now, let me preface this by saying that I was aware of all of the stupidity of people, with their involvement in not only things that they know nothing about, but also things that do not concern them in any way whatsoever. That being said, here’s the deal.

          As I mentioned previously, it was self-deprecating. The jokes and comments were going back and forth, as they tend to, with an escalation of jabs at each other, as they should be, with each feeding off of the previous one, as is life. All in good fun. Anyone with even a miniscule sense of humour would find this shit funny. All of this without any profanity. I swear to God. Not one swear word whatsoever. Although there was plenty of opportunity to litter the conversation with a wide variety of choice expletives, we abstained.

          As it turns out, from our banter, we offended a few people. And, wouldn’t you know it, they made a point of telling us so. It turns out, five people were offended, and two women covered their kid’s ears. Seriously?

One woman actually walked over from across the aisle to voice her disgust. I truly don’t think that she could hear everything that was said, but just wanted to get in on the complaint. I was looking for the token cell phone videographer as the scene she was creating seemed to be more important than the point she was trying to make.

          Just how unimportant have we become, for fear of offending someone. I say fuck-em. You being offended is not my issue, it’s yours. You deal with it. Why should I have to endure a suck-hole problem that isn’t mine? Keep your peanut allergy, diabetic crybaby away from my lunch, because, today I have PB&J sandwiches. (I’m diabetic, by the way)

I’m not going to breath on you, rub it on you, chase you around the room with it, or throw it at you just to see you react. That would be cruel. But it’s my lunch and you have no say in the matter. Deal with your issue or just stay away. Simple.

           

Motivation / Inspiration

          Chicken is in the oven so I figured I’d pen a few words, if that’s ok with yawl. Also, I have had little to no motivation to post anything worth your time and for that I am sorry. So here it is.

          It has been some time since my last posting, and I have to say a very heartfelt sorry for the longevity of time between offerings. It has been an unusual number of months to say the least. I won’t bore you with all of the gory details but will give you the “Cole’s Notes” version of the goings on.

          Starting with the recent changes, and there are a plenty, I now live alone. Found my own abode. Well, not exactly alone, just me and my dog Mike. Mike is my reason, my inspiration, my meaning. Yes, the world does revolve around my dog. Mike The Wonderdog to be exact. He has his own Facebook page. But I digress.

          The “move”, itself, happened just over a month ago. It was a long time coming, and I am feeling pretty good about the entire thing. I was about to call it an episode, but then realised that that was just a bit extreme. Episode implies a series of dramatic, reoccurring events, with twists and turns, and plot changes, which lead down a path to a conclusion that you weren’t expecting. Like on television. Well it’s nothing like that…at all. This conclusion was expected and seen from at least a mile away, if you were looking. And I was.

          Back to me.

          I feel that I need to make this very clear, if only for the sake of the activists and or snowflakes that know absolutely nothing about my dog, Mike has suffered no ill effects, anxiety, or adjustment issues, other than the first two days, he barked a couple of times when I left for work. He missed nothing and nobody that was not integral to him, and we have endeavoured for that two day period, and continue to do so, as normal. He is the best dog ever. He loves everyone, other dogs, and life in general. That said. If I'm not home, do not attempt to enter my apartment. You will get a face full off dog. Protective mode engaged.

          A weight seems to have been lifted from my stress level. Not only do I feel much better about myself, nor I am more active, I am eating healthier, am creatively cooking more, and have lost a ton of weight. Two pant sizes to be exact. My ass looks amazing by the way. Sorry, not posting selfies at this time lol.

          Let me preface this by reminding a few of you, and the rest of you, to look back at my previous entries. I lost a ton of weight when I was sick three and a half years ago. I lost a bunch of weight, including a ton of muscle mass in a very short period of time. I dropped from a 40 inch waistline to below 34 within 2 months. I refused to buy anything smaller even though this was the second time buying smaller clothes. The 34s became baggy. For the first time since I was 23, I weighed less than 200 pounds. After all of the loss and the work to gain weight, I was wearing my 38s for the longest time. My 34s now fit me perfectly. My Cancer pants fit, but properly now. My ass still looks great by the way.

          I’m not looking for this to be a reminder or reflection on all of the crap surrounding my Cancer stuff. Not at all. I drifted off, and we’re good. All is good.

          This is all good stuff. I have a ton more to tell you all about but I’m going to save it for another entry. Spring will happen and will be amazing.

Unknown Holiday

In my many years to choose from, and I do have plenty of them, I think that this past year is the one to go down as the one that passed the fastest. I also need to note that it seems to also be the year that the most things happened to me within it. It really was a strange year. All of the crap, and the good, that went on with my job(s), life, money, truck, bike (motorcycle), stress level, and my dog. I can’t forget my dog. Did you notice the plural? There were a couple of job changes as well. All for the better, which affects all of the other items in one way or another. Except for my dog.  He’s unconditionally immune to the woes of humanity. Lucky buggar.

It’s been an interesting year for sure but that’s not what I wish to talk about. Another special day in the never ending long list of special days has come and gone once again. Not un-noticed by any means, no. But came and went just the same. Most of you have probably never even heard of this worldwide holiday and don’t even realize that the entire premise of this holiday applies to every single person on this little blue planet of ours. Is the suspense just eating at you yet?

It was International Chris Gaines Day just a couple of days ago. That’s correct. You heard it here first folks. And with the exception of a handful of wonderful people, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart, the majority of the world missed it. I mean completely dropped the ball on this one I must say. As if it was just another normal day in a year of seemingly endless days.

And rightfully as it should be, because it means nothing to anyone else. International Chris Gaines Day, as I call it, is a specific day that happens only once a year, and is celebrated by one person. I made it an International holiday so I can celebrate it wherever I happen to be in the world at the time. As I said earlier, only the premise applies to everyone.

Every person on Earth has their own designated International holiday. Did you not know about it? Oh yeah, it’s very real, and most of you have been doing it wrong all this time. You all have one day each year that’s your own, given to you at birth that no one can take away from you. It’s yours to do with as you please.

Employers should be legally bound to happily give you the day off because of that fact. After all, it’s your very own International holiday. If not, book off of work and spend it at your leisure with people you love, doing something special for yourself.

Birthdays are to be celebrated but it’s not always about the party. Ok, sometimes it is, it’s more about doing something special for yourself no matter what that may be. And as long as you enjoy the day doing something you want, who cares? It’s your day. You only get one a year so use it wisely.

For everyone reading this, and everyone not, whether early or belated, Happy Birthday. I truly hope you have a wonderful one.

Mr. Cole

          A pivotal game this evening in the NHL, and yes I’m watching Hockey Night in Canada on the CBC broadcast. It’s the Montreal Canadians vs the Ottawa Senators, in Ottawa tonight. A pivotal game because of the fact that Montreal is ahead of Ottawa by one point for first place in the Eastern Division. Ottawa also has one game in hand. Very exciting situation, and rather important game tonight. If by some chance you don’t understand what I mean, ask a friend who watches hockey. It really doesn’t matter what part of the world you are in, the analogy will translate. No, I’m not kidding.

          So, I zone into the game, set up my Budweiser Red Light (Google it. Pretty cool device. Every hockey fan should have one), find a good live stream (I don’t do cable anymore. I have a dedicated PC tower for my 50 inch Samsung with a wireless mouse and keyboard), select my adult beverage(s) for the evening, then strategically arrange my snacks according to food group (I use all 4 food groups, Box-Bottle-Can-Carton), and then hunker down for an evening of sports titillation thanks to professional hockey. Let the game begin.

          My elation is rapidly and overwhelmingly deflated by the sound of that one and only, very distinct voice, that some executive, in upper broadcasting management, has allowed him to remain on the air, regardless of his level of senility or eccentricity. I’m talking about the only voice that can suck the life out of a hockey game like a sportscaster vampire.

Mr. Bob Cole.

For him to stay on the air this long, Bob must have photos of somebody in the executive office of the CBC fucking a goat or something. Or worse. That’s the only way to explain it. Really.

Don’t get me wrong here. It wasn’t always like that. Back in the day, when I was growing up, Bob was “THE” voice of Hockey Night in Canada. Every Saturday night he was there for the Toronto Maple Leaf games. Not just with the play by play, but with knowledgeable and jocular incites to the player’s profiles and to the game in general. He knew the game fluently and intimately. And for decades, literally.

Just to clarify. I am not a Maple Leaf fan, at all. Never have been, never will be. Even with a gun to my head. Nope. Maple Leaf fans have their own dedicated ward at the loonie bin in Toronto. Or so I’ve been told. I am a dedicated fan. I have two favorite teams in the NHL. That’s right, two. The Ottawa Senators, and whoever is playing the Maple Leafs. Like I said, dedicated. Hoooraaaaw!

Back to Bob.

I really do feel sorry for the man because he has been in the game for so long. But that day has unfortunately dissolved into the now. I have often watched games, listening to Bob call the play by play, and wondered if we were both watching the same game. His pace has slowed, he forgets players names, and loses track of the play by play, and generally makes stuff up. Or at least that’s how it seems.

I really don’t want to rip Bob a new arsehole about this but, it might be time to hang it up there Bob. We know you love the game. We respect and adore you for your dedication and knowledge. I know that I do, and want to say thank you for being there for me, for all of us, for the game we love, for the game you love, and for your devotion and dedication to it. You are, and will always be a true icon in the history of not just Hockey Night in Canada, but hockey itself.

If given the honour, and opportunity, I would proudly shake your hand.

Thank you Mr. Cole.

Delivering the Goods

          In an attempt to get back to the positive side of things, I thought I would refrain from the typical rant, and complaint of norm, and reiterate something a little more enlightening. Who knows? It may inspire a miniscule spark in some of us. And sometimes a small spark is all we need to change the world. Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves.

          Back to the topic at hand. I was in a discount store. Anyone in Ontario, Canada knows of this chain of stores. In short, it is a used item, discount store that has items donated to by local residents with a percentage of the profits going to charities. The store nearest me is affiliated with the Canadian Diabetes Association. A good cause in my book as I am type 2 anyway. Some pretty good deals to be had on an array of interesting items, and I do mean interesting. As they say, “one man’s garbage is another man’s gold”. There is a ton of gold at Value Village daily.

          So anywhoo. I was browsing through the items that fateful day, and was finding rather little to my interest when I spotted this young, college student couple conversing about a particular sofa that they liked. The “I love it, it’s perfect”, “would it fit in our space?” and “how do we get it home?” questions were flying. So being the soft hearted individual that I am (I am so, at times, depending on the people, lol), I asked, to where they needed to transport their perfect for them couch. Having a full size Chevrolet Silverado 2500HD pick-up truck with a full 8 foot box (no gratuitous plug here at all eh?) I offered to help them get their perfect couch to their new apartment.

          To make a long story short, I pulled around to the back of the store, loaded the couch, and drove it to the destination that was not that far away at all. Ten minutes at best. And yes, they drove a Honda “Something” that the couch would not even fit if you strapped it to the roof.

I helped bring it up the two flights of stair to their apartment. The couch barely fit around the stairwell corner and through the narrow door to the dwelling. To the relief of everyone involved, including me, it was, as they had said, a perfect fit to their new décor. Yes, new décor. This couple were furnishing their new apartment with hand-picked items from various outlets. A job well done I must say. They had pretty good taste indeed.

          To say that they were extremely grateful for my help would be an understatement. They thanked me endlessly. I did forget to mention their shock and surprise at my offer to deliver the couch in the first place. They were shocked, and surprised. Believe me.

After the couch was placed, I was offered some money for my troubles. I respectfully declined and explained that I recognized their dilemma in the store and had been in that position before myself. I declined the monetary gratuity and wished them well with their new purchase. They insisted that they give me something for me troubles, and I reiterated that It was not necessary.

The young woman then said, “A gift. Wait a moment”, as she raced into the back room, which took me by surprise. She re-entered the living room with a small cellophane wrapped box and explained in her natural accent, “I’m from Russia and this candy is a delicacy in my country”. How could I say no? I accepted graciously, thanked her, wished them the best of luck, and went on my way.

          The elated look on their faces, as well as their renewed faith in humanity was really my gift. I truly mean that. I don’t post stories like this for personal recognition. I really don’t. I don’t want it, I don’t need it.

I do it in hope that you people reading this may experience someone in a situation of need, and reach out however you are able to, and assist them selflessly. The world needs more of that.

          The candy was delicious by the way.