Calm This

Traffic calming measures, or so they call them here, are just fat speed bumps that are becoming more and more popular as the number of vehicles on the road grows. They’re placed anywhere that is affected by heavy a traffic flow in residential areas mostly, yet they seem to have become more of a game to the motorists in which they are intended.

These rather minor inconveniences are set in place to slow the vehicles in those designated areas for the safety of other motorists, pedestrians alike and children playing even.  Go figure. Like the yellow sign with the kid chasing a ball into the street wasn’t enough. Where the hell was that kids parents anyway? And who the hell was he to merit his own sign? You would think that if it was a horrific story it would be one that our parents told us in order to scare us away from chasing balls into the street and have that sign become an omen. “Oh my God, don’t be like (let’s call him Jimmy Stark for no apparent reason) that Jimmy Stark boy. He was horribly crippled and maimed (things were never fatal then) when he was hit by three cars at the same time when he ran out into the street chasing after a ball his dog threw out there for him. The dog was ok though”.

All of these types of stories sounded like the base classic that everyone has heard from their parents.  At least anyone within a reasonable proximity of my age has heard more than just a few times. It goes something like this. 

“When I was your age we walked ten miles to school in the morning and ten miles back home again, up hill both ways, in a snow storm without a hat, mittens, or winter boots. We just added extra cardboard to our sneakers”. 

I don’t think I’m far off for anybody here. Feel free to add anything I may have missed.

I seem to have drifted a wee bit. Sorry. Let’s regroup shall we?

There are plenty of these fat speed bumps in my neighbourhood and for the most part they do their intended job rather well. The comical part of this is the people that drive over them at the normal speed limit or faster, without slowing, seem to be completely surprised with this all too obvious yet unexpected outcome. I can see it in their wide eyed expression as they drive past.

One of these so called traffic calming measures is not far from where we live at a corner intersection. Just down the road and around the corner, literally. Coming up to the stop sign you must either turn left or right, there is no straight through traffic. The cars coming from the left and right have the right of way and no stop sign. While waiting at the stop waiting to turn you can see the bump in the road not 50 feet from you on the left. I hope this gives you the mental image I’m going for here.

Normally cars would slow down for the bump giving you plenty of time to make the right turn into traffic without disruption to the flow. But every once in a while you will come across an individual who doesn’t want you to pull out in front of them, so instead of slowing down, they actually speed up a little to ensure their rightful place in flow and “BAM”, their car is launched over the speed bump with enough force to make you almost feel the impact from within your own vehicle. The look of surprised terror on their face always makes me shake my head and grin, thinking, that poor car. What other unsuspecting abuses have you been put through in the course of you soon to be short existence?

Is it just me or do people fuck with you more in traffic these days? They seem to here.