Once Upon A Time

 

Once upon a time seems a fitting opening for this time of year, being Christmas and all.. But let me render a story that is not full of all of the sparkles, glitter, snowflakes, and tinsel type of forced happy, good jolly feelings of the season.

I should let you know that I was once a really big fan of this time of year. A really big fan. When my daughters were little, I was all in. The Christmas tree didn’t go up until they went to bed on Christmas Eve. There were decorations throughout the house of course, but no tree. Once they were in bed, I would go out and get a real tree, bring it home and decorate it completely. Presents would be placed under it with all of the love and magic as if Santa had been there to do it himself. My twin girls would then wake up to a room that appeared as though a Christmas bomb had exploded overnight. Seeing their faces filled with the wonderment of the season was more than worth the all night effort it took to pull it off.

Fast forward to today. My girls are grown and have families of their own. Over the years, that enthusiasm in me has faded due to family circumstance and unwarranted involvement unfortunately. Over time, I have become less interested and excited about the entire concept.

Please do not misunderstand this as my being a Scrooge about this time of year. I truly enjoy this festive season with all of the lights and decorations. They are wondrous to observe with a tremendous amount of effort taken to make them so. I am always amazed at some of the light displays at some of the houses. It really does make the experience much better. Thank you to the ones who go out of their way to fill their homes with such Christmas spirit. Thank you.

That being said, I have had my personal spirit diminished to the point of non-participation. Let me explain. I love the decorations, appreciate the effort it takes to create the atmosphere, yet have no desire to put in the work. No, I’m not just lazy. I just don’t care to put in the effort. It has taken quite a bit of time but that kind of excitement has been drained from me. And that is unfortunate. I miss it dearly.

This time of year has turned into the most hypocritical time of the entire year. Peace, love and good happiness type of stuff go out the window if people are in a hurry. And they always are. It’s every man for himself without regard for anyone but themselves. Insert fake smile and concern here. What have we become?

But I digress.

People that reach out to you with their Christmas greetings and wishes are amazing. These are your friends. These are the greatest people in your life. Hold them close.

The drunken ex-girlfriend that leaves a voicemail telling you that she still misses you is a sign. And that sign comes with its own warning label. DO NOT RESPOND UNER ANY CUCUMSTANCE.

There is a reason that she is an ex-girlfriend.

It’s like the time when I had Cancer. I can reflect on that time. Not a good time. And at no time have I ever said to myself. “ Gee, I miss that Cancer. I wish that I had it back so I could go through all of that hell again”.

Or even the brain surgery. Why would I want to do that to myself? Why would they think that I’m stupid enough? Sure I’ve had a couple of drinks, but not enough for that lol.

That’s enough for today.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas and good fortune in the New Year.

Discover what you don’t want to put up with anymore and do something to change that.

Just How Much

 

I have mentioned before that I’m surprised that I have lived this long. Considering what I have subjected myself to over the years in the name of adventure, or just because I thought it would be fun. I never worried about the cool part because I never expected to stick around in one particular place long enough for it to matter. Because it didn’t matter, it was just fun. I was just trying stuff and having the best time I could have doing it. No matter what that was. It took me to a ton of places that I never would have been to otherwise and created way too many memories and friendships for me to include in just one small blog post.

So, with that being said, just what does the universe have in store for me or us? This is how it works right? The universe has some sort of cosmic control over our destiny? As if we have no say in the matter? Then there should be some show of direction at least, don’t you think? How about a hint? I call bullshit on this one. I get the fact that I’m on my own, and have been aware of this for a very long time. Pretty much all of my life actually. My decisions are my own and always have/will be. For better or worse, I am resigned to the fact that I am the product of my decisions. Society is never to be blamed, regardless of how I may feel about it.

With all of that being said, I really don’t want to do this anymore.

So just how much shit can the universe drop onto one person as if it were some continuous and sadistic prank? I get the fact that I brought some of this on myself and take ownership of all of that. I’m an asshole, not an oblivious asshole. I get it. I really do.

Working hard in an effort to get ahead of the never ending depletion of my bank account just doesn’t seem to be working anymore, like a lot of people these days. Just as things begin to lean towards a little progress “BAM” the car breaks down and needs repair. Or you get laid off due to a work shortage, and so on. I’ve been told that it all happens in sets of three. I also call bullshit on this because I’m going on about number eleven.

It gets a little overwhelming at times and it’s a wonder why I’m not a raging alcoholic by now.

Yet I endeavor. I am in no way giving up. How can I after what I’ve survived so far for quite some time now. I’ve thought a little bit about trying to view it as a game. Can I win this time? Of course I can, look at my track record, it’s pretty impressive. But in the back of my mind a little voice is telling me that it could be inviting more shit to come down the pipe and pile on. The universe would think I’m having some sort of fun with it and decide that it was easy on me somehow then up the ante. Nobody needs that.

So I continue to tread these waters, keeping my head up, and moving forward albeit slowly. I still tell my inner voice, rather quietly, to bring it on. I’ve so got this, fucker. It’s not my time yet.

But feel free to knock it off any time now.

Thanks for letting me have a little rant. It feels good to let it out sometimes.