The Notebook

Just in case you did not know, I have this notebook. I carry it with me most of the time to record anything of note that may occur during my day. I was going through this the other day and realized that there were a bunch of things that I had forgotten about altogether. And some pretty laughable notes too.

          We can call this “Cleaning out the notebook” if you want, but here’s the small of it.

          The lazy person award goes to the guy who parked next to the shopping cart enclose, went in to shop, returned to load his purchase in his car, yet left the shopping cart in the parking lot six feet from the cart enclosure. You lazy ass bastard. Six bloody feet? Really? I hope you pushed it far enough away from your car that you didn’t have to drive around it. How inconvenient would that have been? Gawd!

          There is no better way to completely ruin a good carrot muffin than to add walnuts to it. No need whatsoever. Muffins need not come with an explanation of “with walnuts” as a tag line. It should just remain as “Carrot Muffin”. No additions for Christ sake.

          National anthems at hockey games are sacred. Remove your hat, stand up, and shut up, unless you are going to sing along. Then sing aloud for all to hear, by all means, do it with pride. Unless you are one of those idiots that thrust themselves in front of the camera as it pans the crowd. If this is you, do me one favour and make sure that you know the words to the fricken song moron. Thrusting your face in the camera to sing the wrong lyrics does not make your Mom proud. It makes her face palm herself in disgust and hope other Moms didn’t see the video. Think about that.

          I am getting over a winter cold right now. It is that season and nothing out of the ordinary, other than that one thing the other day. Having the sniffles, I almost mistook my lock de-icer for my Dristan. Add your own expletive here.

          They say that opposites attract. I think that’s a whole lot of crap because I’m an asshole and my wife’s a bitch. Scenario debunked, so there. Wait a minute. Maybe that’s not true. Yup, just heard from my wife. She’s not a bitch, I’m just an asshole. I say that the topic needs more research. Just don’t tell me wife.

          I was getting on an elevator the other day when a gentleman called out to hold the door. Not being a complete shitheel, I heeded his request and held the door. He then thanked me and asked “Could you press two for me please”. To which I quickly replied, “Sure, which two”. All I need to say here is, yes, there was laughter.

          My wife’s supervisor has one of those Micro cars. You know, those little wee gas conserving, two passenger, no room for passengers, too small for groceries type of cars. It snowed one day. Not just a little bit, but quite a bit. When it came time to leave work, my wife announced, “We need to help Fred get his car out of the parking lot due to the snow. Everyone, go to the cafeteria and grab a spoon”.

          I have noticed that there is an astronomical amount of pet food recalls and notices these days. Dog food making dogs sick and at times killing some dogs because of toxic ingredients. Has corporate greed stooped that low? The one company that I have never heard anything bad about is Milk Bone. I have had a lot of dogs over my many years and never have I ever heard of a recall nor have any of my dogs had any issues because of their product.  

          Enough for now. Until next time