I have mentioned before that I’m surprised that I have
lived this long. Considering what I have subjected myself to over the years in the
name of adventure, or just because I thought it would be fun. I never worried
about the cool part because I never expected to stick around in one particular
place long enough for it to matter. Because it didn’t matter, it was just fun. I
was just trying stuff and having the best time I could have doing it. No matter
what that was. It took me to a ton of places that I never would have been to otherwise
and created way too many memories and friendships for me to include in just one
small blog post.
So, with that being said, just what does the universe
have in store for me or us? This is how it works right? The universe has some
sort of cosmic control over our destiny? As if we have no say in the matter? Then
there should be some show of direction at least, don’t you think? How about a
hint? I call bullshit on this one. I get the fact that I’m on my own, and have
been aware of this for a very long time. Pretty much all of my life actually. My
decisions are my own and always have/will be. For better or worse, I am
resigned to the fact that I am the product of my decisions. Society is never to
be blamed, regardless of how I may feel about it.
With all of that being said, I really don’t want to do
this anymore.
So just how much shit can the universe drop onto one
person as if it were some continuous and sadistic prank? I get the fact that I brought
some of this on myself and take ownership of all of that. I’m an asshole, not
an oblivious asshole. I get it. I really do.
Working hard in an effort to get ahead of the never
ending depletion of my bank account just doesn’t seem to be working anymore, like
a lot of people these days. Just as things begin to lean towards a little
progress “BAM” the car breaks down and needs repair. Or you get laid off due to
a work shortage, and so on. I’ve been told that it all happens in sets of
three. I also call bullshit on this because I’m going on about number eleven.
It gets a little overwhelming at times and it’s a wonder
why I’m not a raging alcoholic by now.
Yet I endeavor. I am in no way giving up. How can I
after what I’ve survived so far for quite some time now. I’ve thought a little
bit about trying to view it as a game. Can I win this time? Of course I can,
look at my track record, it’s pretty impressive. But in the back of my mind a
little voice is telling me that it could be inviting more shit to come down the
pipe and pile on. The universe would think I’m having some sort of fun with it
and decide that it was easy on me somehow then up the ante. Nobody needs that.
So I continue to tread these waters, keeping my head up,
and moving forward albeit slowly. I still tell my inner voice, rather quietly,
to bring it on. I’ve so got this, fucker. It’s not my time yet.
But feel free to knock it off any time now.
Thanks for letting me have a little rant. It feels good
to let it out sometimes.