There are a ton of items I’m itching to tell
you about at this very moment. Don’t worry, I’m not going to list them all in
this entry. That would just be plain weird. I don’t have to point out to you
that you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting something that makes you ponder
any given situation.
Now stop right there with
the outrage. I’m not insinuating that you actually go out and swing a dead cat.
It really is just an expression meant, in jest, to exclaim the closeness or
proximity of said given situation. I, in no way condone the swinging of dead
cats. I just don’t swing that way, anymore. The tails come off too easily
anyhow. I have yet to have one last more than four full rotations before the
tail comes off. I didn’t usually watch where the rest of the cat went, but I
think I was just too surprised that there was a piece of fur left in my hand
after so little effort. I’ve heard that they always land on their feet.
Tails can be saved, if
you choose, like raccoon tails of old hanging from rear view mirrors. Now,
swinging a dead raccoon is something that I’ve never tried. I would guess that
the tails come off the same as they would from a dead cat, or at least within a
close proximity or rotational count. You could actually do a “hmmmm” right here
if you feel the need.
Let’s carry on shall we?
I was listening to the radio while driving about town one day. Yup, that’s what
it’s called, for those who didn’t know. It’s actually called “driving about
town”, really. Just ask, they’ll tell you.
Anyhooo, I just happened
to be in the right place at the right time to see this. Had I been one red
light sooner or later, I would have missed it completely. And holy crap, I’m
glad to have not missed this. Maybe glad is a bit extreme, but you decide and
let me know. The scene goes as thus.
I was sitting in my truck
at a red light waiting patiently, as I always do. Well, patiently might be a
bit generous because I tend to fidget. So while fidgeting I observed one of
those new micro vehicles, a Fiat I believe, puke green in colour, making a left
hand turn through the intersection in front of me. He passed right through my
line of vision, from right to left, on his way through his turn. I actually had
the time to do a double take, so I did. Duh, you would too.
The driver was 350 pounds
if he was an ounce. He looked as though he had been shoehorned into the tiny
car on a dare. Luckily he had the window rolled down because he seemed to ooze
over the door sill. It looked as if he had the door tucked under his armpit and
was carrying the thing. This was no small man. If he did not have his arm bent
in the traditional “cool look” pose, I swear that his knuckles would have been
dragging on the ground. I think the whole left side of his head must have been
catching a bunch of wind as well. Got the visual? Good.
Knowing all of the
advantages and cost savings of having a fuel efficient vehicle with the
unpredictable rise and, well, rise again price of gas these days, I pose this
question.
Why would you make
yourself that uncomfortable on purpose just to save a few bucks at the gas
pump? Hmmmm.
And you thought this was
going to be about cats right?
